Prologue by Adrian: A limerick was demanded by Keri
Used a tone threatening and scary
“Make it with jest,
I shall choose just the best!”
And you all will act like it is merry
There once was a traveller called Sam
Who lit out of Gent on the lam
But where could he go?
And how would he know
When he got there? Who would give a dam?
He packed both his suncream and mac
Then slinging his pack on his back
Sam started to wend
His course round the bend
Of the less-trodden fork of the track.
Sam wanted to go and see Santa
To share a pint and some banter
But a reindeer called Rob
Did a poo at him lob
So he left the North Pole at a canter
Gretchen the g’rilla from Germany
Once thought she should count all of her money
“I’m rich, yes I am!”
“But – where to put Sam?”
‘cos she lived, with her riches, in her mini.
Freya the young fang-toothed fish
Thought Sam was the tastiest dish
“I propose a motion:
We dine in the ocean!”
But Sam wouldn’t grant her her wish
In Chad, Sam met Jill the sly jackal
Whose lifestyle he was willing to tackle
But he got mauled by a hyena
Like never before seen-a
And will forever be haunted by the cackle
Sam once had an encounter of mention,
Of Dave the dung beetle’s intention
His ball he did push
Towards Sam in ambush
‘Twas against the Geneva Convention
Jasper the jaguar was ravenous
Sam was delicious, gelatinous
One quick bite
Gave Sam a fright
His Brazil trip was almost calamitous
One night Sam was panicked and blue,
Phil fired him from his job at the zoo.
He’d stolen the panda
(who’s name was Amanda)
And was exiled from Peru.
A capybara named Caroline
Whose husband saw as divine
Had a big litter
And needed a sitter
But Sam politely declined
And Linden, the long neck-ed llama
Spends COVID attired in pyjamas
She’s minus her top!
So Sam, stay here? Stop!
You’re loved, but would cause too much drama.
Sam went on a journey to Rio
To meet a Toucan called Theo
But when he got there
The bird had no beer
Not even a Leffe Blond Zero
In Burma, Sam met Paul the panther
Surrounded by skeletons and there
Was no question the source
“Join me for a course?”
Sam retreated, and chose not to anthwer.
A vid shown by Stuart the Skink
Pushed decency right to the brink!
Nigella talked dirty
Went way beyond flirty
“Can’t stay here!” thought Sam, “Aw, stink!”
Sam thought he would visit Naomi
A numbat who liked macaroni
But the thought of a mozzie
Attacking him in Aussie
Made him think it a load of baloney
Sophie the snake from Australia
Invited Sam to view her azalea
But that was dumb
Cos she bit his bum
And Sam knew the trip was a failure
Richard, the Te Mata Tortoise
Said, “Sam, for all that you taught us
You just can’t stay here —
You’d drink all our beer.
And besides, we’re a bunch of old snorters!”
The Walters were wombles downunder
Who studied the science of thunder
Sam came to stay, weary,
But needed his Keri
So headed on south to Kauaeranga
At the end of the earth, Sam found
A bird with both feet on the ground
cos kiwis don’t fly.
Kiwi Keri said, “Why,
I’d love it if you stuck around
for adventures and failures and grins,
And pancakes and struggles and wins.
E pluribus duo
Non unum, it’s true-o
Journeys end and others begin.”